Dear Daniel,
Can I just smack Carter? Or how about I wall her up in a room? She's getting worse than I ever was about our standing orders concerning technology. I mean, we were invited to go back to Jonas' homeworld for supposedly renewing diplomatic relations, but what they really wanted was military help. I told Hammond to tell them to shove it, but Carter wants more naquadria. So, we opened up a dialogue. Please.
There are times, Daniel, where my heart just isn't in my job anymore. This was one of those times. I wasn't the only one to feel like crap. Jonas was feeling like shit, considering his traitor status with the Kelownans and that one of the three people who visited the SGC was an old teacher of his. I had to remind Jonas that no matter what went on with Kelowna, he was now with SG-1 and that's where his priority lay. He wasn't happy about it but he understood.
Hammond asked my opinion before he gave his recommendation to the JCS and I told him we shouldn't help because we have no idea if the Kelownans would use our technological help solely to defend themselves. You know what he said? Hammond actually told me that I'm starting to sound like you. I'm hoping he meant it as a compliment because I certainly took it as one. I was my usual sarcastic self in my answer to that, though. Told him that "we spent some time together." He was suspicious of my motivations for not wanting to help. I mean, the man had a point. I'll never forgive those bastards for trying to blame you for their own fuck-up.
But the whole thing ended up as a wash anyway. Jonas' mentor had this delusion about a resistance movement and all he really was was sick. The Kelownans discovered that his work with the naquadria made him mentally ill. Fraiser ran some tests on Jonas, says he's all right. In the end, the only reason the Kelownans made contact was to get rid of Jonas' friend by sending him to Earth for medical care. Political convenience to get rid of the last of Jonas' supporters. Nice, eh?
Guess that sounds like I'm on Jonas' side, doesn't it? Well, truthfully, I am in this instance because he had the chance to leave and he didn't take it, add to the fact that he told me what the First Minister offered him. That added a little to the trust pot.
============================
Dear Daniel,
Remind me just why certain scientists are allowed inside the SGC and others aren't? What's the gauge or the test? It seems to me, Daniel, that if someone's emotionally unstable, even with a high IQ, they shouldn't be allowed anywhere near sensitive projects, even if it's to create them.
I asked Carter this question and you know what her answer was? "If they're brilliant and we can use their help, their personality quirks should be overlooked."
Personality quirks? She doesn't see it. *You* had personality quirks. But the nerds who were out there helping us yesterday have some serious mental defects. They've no clue about what it means to work with the military. I'm putting in a recommendation that all civilians, especially the scientists, have to go through a military orientation and a short 3-week class on emergency combat tactics. *AND* those who may be required to go offworld should undergo a month of offworld training. One week of that should be in teaching them to get their heads out of their asses.
Who the hell gave *Doctors* Felger and Coombs, specifically Felger, their education? Whoever did needs a serious colonic. Carter told me they're very smart but I'm not seein' it. I see ideas that others could come up with without all the histrionic nonsense.
And they did not save our asses, got me? In fact, I had to go back and save theirs.
Know what this entire situation, which I'm not going into, taught me? That despite my gibes and teasing, I have a much greater respect for you than you'll ever know.
Oh, and I'm pretty sure that when Felger is around me, he's checking out my ass. I'm telling you, Daniel, the guy's creepin' me out.
============================
Dear Daniel,
Been a few weeks. A few days ago, I had to deal with the Tok'ra again. A large base of theirs had been hit and Jacob took the survivors to the Alpha site. We already had a few hundred rebel Jaffa there from when we had to rescue them from that idiot worship of that Goa'uld posing as a Jaffa leader. The Alpha site no longer looks like an alternate SGC HQ. I'm trying to get used to that. I guess my possessiveness is showing though I tried not to let it show at the Alpha site. To say that the Jaffa and Tok'ra didn't get along would be an understatement. All I can say is thank God for Bra'tac and Jacob. If it weren't for them, the situation would have deteriorated into all-out war.
Somewhere along the line, and probably when the Tok'ra came through with Jacob, someone started killing off Tok'ra, Jaffa, and members of the SGC, forcing us to cast suspicion on the other. Divide and conquer. They tried it with that Zatarc mess and it didn't work. Started to work here but there wasn't any need. The Tok'ra and Jaffa already don't trust each other, though I think attitudes changed a little by the time the crisis was over.
With the help of Fraiser (yep, Doc finally got to go offworld after three years), we were able to figure out that it wasn't anyone at the site. At one point, Bra'tac was thought dead and Teal'c was really pissed off at this Tok'ra named Malek. He blamed him for it and damn near killed him. But it was an ashrak, wearing one of those invisibility shields, like the kind that Nirrti had. It created a distraction and grabbed the GDO from Major Pierce so that made things hairy and I had to order a tight guard of the gate.
Carter and Malek got this idea to use the naquada generator to make the guy visible. When she turned it on, I swear, Daniel, that damn thing made my balls and dick tingle.
Anyway, I had to do a Rambo thing, then Bra'tac came back from the dead and got the guy. That Jaffa certainly knows how to make an entrance. As well as make a rousing speech.
Before the shit hit the fan, though, Jacob and I had another *short* talk about Kanan. It was a bit difficult for me, as you might imagine. I still don't trust the Tok'ra, though I love and respect Jacob. He did tell me that what Kanan did to me was a violation of one of their highest laws and that Selmac was sickened by it. However, he said that what Kanan did was motivated by a need to do something right and asked if I'd forgive on that basis. I told him no. There's no way in hell, Daniel. I don't give a shit what the intentions were because he harmed another to do it. I know I've been guilty of that in the past, but I think this was just a bit different.
============================
Dear Daniel,
I'm often wondering what you're doing out there. Like about ten times a day, when I'm not distracted by Goa'ulds, Tok'ra, or...Goa'ulds.
Do you know what's going on? I know it's a big universe but I keep thinking that, yes, you do have an idea what's going on out there. I can't help but get this visual sometimes. You coming back to the Oma Circle after being out doing a bunch of glowy stuff and Oma asking how your day went, then Oma filling you in on what you missed. Actually, I got that image when I saw one of those graphical post-it notes that said: While You Were Out.
I hope you are doing some good, Daniel. Though if you can't help rid the universe of evil, what good is it gonna do if all you're doing is flying around, offering to ascend people?
And just who deserves ascension and who doesn't? You'll probably say those whose minds are open, but the trick is *knowing* that the possibility exists.
For example, I met someone recently that seemed like a pretty good person. Actually, I didn't exactly meet her. I heard her talk. It was that Tok'ra queen that that lippy Anise mentioned a few years ago -- the one they thought was dead. I forget its name. I'll get it in a minute. Point is, she actually sounded like someone worth ascending, you know?
Egeria. That's it. I knew it'd come to me.
Why me and not someone like her? I know you love me, Daniel, and think that there's all this good in me, but come on, I've done some nasty shit. I can't believe the other glowy people would have allowed me to stay once they found out. Even that Oma.
Egeria died for real this time. I actually felt sorry for Malek, who showed up at the planet we were visiting to take the body home. What we got out of the mission was a serum that Fraiser's going to work on. She thinks it might be the answer to the Jaffa dependence on snakes. Very weird and kinda sick. It's called tretonin and it's made from snakes -- except the stuff we got from the people we visited was made from the children they forced Egeria to...procreate. That just makes it even worse. Found out that symbiotes are asexual. That never occurred to me, but it's confusing. Why do they need a queen if they're asexual? Nevermind. I don't really care to find out.
Whoops. Gotta go. Carter's called. Something bad's happened. Gee, there's a shock.
============================
Dear Daniel,
Why is it that no one takes me seriously when I suggest names like Enterprise? We have a HUGE spaceship. Huge by our terms, anyway. And it was half-completed when it went out on its forced trial run. They called the ship Prometheus. Better than X-303, but come on. While being a cool name, this guy's story comes to a bad end. They're only begging for trouble. So, I ask you, when we get into it (trouble that is), does anyone think it could have anything to do with the ship's name?
No, I didn't think so, either.
Anyway, long story short. Adrian Conrad is dead. So is the snake that was in him, though it didn't die there. It went into Simmons, who is also dead. Good riddance to that trio.
(you know, I'm getting sick and tired of being interrupted)
============================
Dear Daniel,
Back again. As I was gonna say before I was so rudely interrupted: had another Brain Drain. I don't think I can tell you about it all because of the irony. You see, I CAN'T FUCKING TELL YOU! You're not HERE!!!
============================
Dear Daniel,
Sorry. I wasn't feeling well. One hell of a fucking headache. It's gone now.
So, basically what happened is that after we got our ship lost in space (funny), Thor showed up, asked us to help him and the Asgard out. See, they hadn't figured out how to kill off the Replicators, but they did figure out some sort of time dilation device. So, after planting this device on one of their destroyed planets, they activated a homing device on the robot, Reese, and left her there to draw them in. Supposedly the Pied Piper thing. The bugs would come running to the planet, the time device would be turned on, and that would be that.
Carter said the device doesn't stop time but rather slows it down to a tiny fraction so in a few hundred years' time, the Asgard will have figured out how to rid the galaxy of them while only a minute or so will have passed for the Replicators.
BUT...the Asgard's plan backfired (this is getting tiresome) because the bugs had become SO intelligent that they somehow had time to learn about the device. They turned it to their advantage and instead, made time rapidly pass. I have no freakin' idea how they did that.
Now our job was to repair the device and turn it back on. Why us? Because we're so insignificant that the Replicators would leave us alone. Right? Wrong. We get to the planet and find it's covered in Replicator blocks. Literally covered. Looked like a big parking lot before the steam rollers smooth everything out. So, we go into the main structure, I think the only structure, and we meet humans. Except they're not human. They were made out of those bug blocks, only microscopic in size.
They'd studied Reese, you see, and made replicas. Problem is, they kept making ones just like her. Defective. Six in all. But they said their #5 was defective. Imagine that. No names. Just numbers. With all that tech advancement and just as with the Pentagon, they can't come up with some spiffy names. Anyway, they said their #5 was defective because he didn't act like them. Basically, they *fixed* the programming and couldn't see it. He didn't have the aberrant behavior the others had. He had compassion and understanding. But the others? They were freakin' dangerous. Each of them literally put their hands into our heads and read our minds while at the same time created nightmares of our worst fears. Let me tell you, Daniel. I was NOT amused.
Eventually, we turned the tables on them. Turned #5's human innocence against him, fixed the device and tricked him to turn it on while we left him there to suffer the consequences of his "brothers and sisters". We got the hell out of dodge and didn't look back.
Know whose idea this was?
Nope. Not mine.
Carter's. And people say I'm ruthless. All I can say is that she's been paying attention.
So, we brought the ship home and now it's getting finished. Whoop-de-doo. They'd better not call me for a test run, but you know damn well they will.
============================
Dear Daniel,
I can't believe it. Someone - a guy - actually came on to me today. I went down to this shop outside of Boulder to stock up on some more CDs. You know. The porn ones. So, afterwards, I go into this bar to get a drink. It was a gay bar and Daniel, I swear to GOD I thought it was a straight one. It had all the stereotypical trappings of a macho-man's bar. Pool tables, video games, tables, a bar, pull tabs, the TV behind the bar showing a baseball game. Not a gay bar, right?
So, I sit down at the bar, order an import, and try to relax while wishing you were with me. Then this guy comes up and sits next to me, starts up a conversation. It's a normal conversation, too. No come-ons. Not until our conversation hit a pause - you know the ones, where you run out of something to say until you can think of something else.
So, I'm sipping my beer, listening to the game on TV, trying not to notice how good looking this guy is, when he suddenly asks me if I'd like to go out to dinner with him. I swear, I was suddenly struck with a stupid stick. I asked him "What for?"
So he smiled back and said, "To get to you know a little more before I make you come till you scream." Bastard kept smiling because I was literally dumbstruck by the comment.
So, once I stopped flushing, and told my dick to go back to sleep (which it didn't), I deflected (kinda) and asked back, "I'm not too old for you?"
The guy was *maybe* 30, Daniel. That'd be pushing it.
He said the cliched line, too. "I dig older men."
So I said: "Old enough to be your father?"
So he said: "Old enough to be what I want." (another cliched line)
Which I'd started to buy. Am I desperate? The guy was good looking but...even though my dick was putting up a good argument, I told him no thanks, not this time. I didn't say 'no' altogether, but I couldn't date this guy. I got the vibes that he was looking, you know? Looking for a partner. I can't be one. I wish. I'm lonely. But it'd never work. A) I can't stop loving you until I'm dead and it's too soon to even try and find someone, and b) my job automatically puts a crimp on relationships because I'd always be lying.
So, I fended off a few more very nice and creative come-ons meant to change my mind (and I have to admit they were tempting), drank the rest of my beer, and got up to leave. He told me that he comes by the bar usually once a week so if I should ever be in the neighborhood to stop in. Didn't have the heart to tell him no, so I told him I'd think about it.
The thing is. I'm thinking about it.